Recall #1

Grocery shopping with you. Saying 'dap up' while pointing at every delicious junk food I saw.

You once (or twice) asked me either I want them or not. I wanted them but I said I don't have the money to buy them. Well obviously it's not about the money, I still can afford a huge amount of it, but I think it's a waste. Junk food doesn't make you kenyang.

But you said you can pay. Yes, I know. It's you yang dah bekerja while I'm still a student. But my parents did not raise me to kikis harta orang, and even if orang offer, I would decline. Kadang rasa macam mempergunakan. So I better not take it.

But if it comes to me, if I want to belanja, I will pay without telling or without saying I can pay beforehand. Like what I did when I first time introduce you to Mee Kolok and Pezzo. I go and pay terus I did not say I can pay or whatsoever because I really think that if a person really wants to belanja, they'll just do it, they won't say it. To me, if they say it beforehand, they are hoping for a rejection. They are not firm and sincere even if they say they are.

Well those are just on my perspective because that's just how I think. That's also the reason why I often rejected your offer to send me home mula mula. Because an offer can be rejected. Be firm on what you want. If you really want to send me home, you should have said you want to. And not giving a choice which I can easily reject.

I want you to know what you want, and do it. That's why I love it, I swear I do, I really love it by the time you force me to turun when you suddenly on your way to ksj, last minute, the night before I nak fly balik Kch. I love to know that you do it with your own free will. And I love it that you gave pieces of yourself, with me, that night.

I hardly wanted to see you that night. It hurts to know that I have to leave you soon. I get angry because you datang lewat, I got curfew, lupa ke? If I want to meet you, I want to have dinner with you, I want to spend the rest of the night with you but you didn't say anything and that makes me angry bila you came dekat nak curfew. Little did I know you pergi amek bunga. I almost cried when you bagi the kotak. With my name on it. Perhaps you didn't see it because gelap but I swear mata I dah berair, I would've hug you on the spot if I could. By that time, hugging the box, I taknak naik bilik, sumpah taknak, I just want to be by your side that night. I swear to God I don't want to balik. So I curse the damn curfew.

Alas, God's plan begs to differ.

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